Perfect School

Krissy:

Every word took a stab at my heart. I couldn't deny what I had said. She had heard it for herself. I would never be able to take that back. My eyes stung. "I don't hate you," I said quietly. "This isn't a dream, Kira." I didn't even get to name my own child. "You fell three stories and landed on a car. you've been in the hospital since then." I hand twitched over hers. "I stayed with you through the night..." I didn't even know why I was telling her that. What did it prove? What was staying with her through the night compared to yelling that I didn't what her to exist? She would never forgive me.

I blinked up at the ceiling. For as much as I enjoyed the floaty feeling, the fog across my thoughts wasn't as enjoyable. "I fell on a car? I...I passed out...must have fallen then..." A frown flickered across my face. "Everyone else....they have to be okay. I try not to feel, I was told I wasn't supposed to feel and just be a weapon. But I like my team. They are my friends." I paused and shifted my head from side to side, "But they're probably okay. You would be with Kyra or Andrew if they weren't. But...." I focused green eyes on hers, "Why did you stay through the night with me?"

Krissy:

My hand tightened around hers when she mentioned being a weapon. It was the same thing Michael had said when we first met. At her question, I dipped my head and looked at the bed sheets. Why did I stay? I didn’t know the answer to that. It just seemed like what I should do.

“I wanted to,” I said after a long moment. “I… When I first saw you, when I found out about you, I was in a state of shock. I didn’t know that you existed, and to find out like that… I was emotional. Everything came up all at once. My raw emotions came out in words that I didn’t understand the meaning of. Kira, I am deeply sorry that you had to hear that. I wouldn’t have wanted for us to meet that way. I needed more time to possess everything…” I couldn’t face her while I said it.

"I grew up being told that I wasn't wanted, that you got rid of me." I squirmed slightly, fingers flexing. "When I found out about Kyle and Kyra and Andrew....I had this tiny hope rekindle. I didn't want a family, I didn't want to suddenly be swept away. I'm too old for that now. But...knowing someone was there? I wanted that." Closing my eyes I sighed. "But you didn't want me."

Krissy:

My eyes swam and I knew for certain that I couldn’t look at her then. “I didn’t get rid of you. I thought I wanted to when I first found out that I was carrying you, but something kept me from doing it. I did want you. And I didn’t abandon you. I was attacked. I nearly died that day. They told me that you didn’t make it. I spent the next sixteen years recovering from that. I would still think about you on that day every year…”

“I was angry when I found out, but not at you. I was angry that this happened to you. That you were taken away from a family that wanted you and turned into… That you were treated the way you were…” Tears fell onto the sheets but I couldn’t stop them from coming.

"You were...attacked? Did you get stabbed?" Carefully I rolled away from her, mindful of the IV in my arm. "I have a scar. Dunno how I got it...but it goes all down my back." My free hand pawed at the ties to my gown as best I could but only managed to get the one at my neck undone. Frustrated by my lack of progress I stopped and remained on my side facing away. "I dunno how to be a daughter....if you really want me will you teach me how?"

Krissy:

My eyes fell on the white line on her back and my brows furrowed deeply. My free hand went to the scar on my belly. We had both nearly died that day it seemed. I lifted my hand to wipe the tears from my cheeks but fresh ones took their place.

“I don’t even know how to be a mother… I don’t have much to offer you.” The thought was terrifying, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to figure it out one my own. I needed Michael here to puzzle it out with me. And I needed Kyle to teach us how to be parents.

When Lexi had died, Michael and I spent a great deal of time with Kyle helping him with the twins. It was mostly supporting him while he took care of them. I didn’t know how to soothe their problems. I became closer with them as they aged. Even with my own niece and nephew I had been more of a friend and less of a maternal figure.

“I think the best way to start… Would be getting to know one another… Just talking,” I said slowly. I wiped my cheeks again and this time they stayed dry. I didn't know if I could ever be a mother for her, but I could be her friend if she let me.

Slowly I rolled over and looked at her.  Searching her face with wide green eyes, the exact shade of her own my lips parted slightly. Studying her face was it's own little form of fascination for the moment. It was like gazing into a mirror and seeing an entirely different me.

Eventually my brain caught on to what she'd been saying even though my little fascination had been drawn out for several minutes. Furrowing my brows for a moment I replied"Neither of us know...so...talking will help."  I paused after that as if waiting for confirmation for a second before continuing. "Then...tell me about you. Who are you?"

Krissy:

The question caught me off guard and my brain froze for a moment. Who was I? How could I explain that to this girl? After a uncertain minute, I started from the beginning. I told her how my parents had died when I was younger than she was and how Kyle had raised me at first. Then how we had met Lexi and he the raised the two of us together. I explained how we had always been moving. How we lived out of his car, the Maserati.

It was hard to talk to the twins about Lexi and how our lives had been because it was something that messed Kyle up. But I spoke freely about her to Kira. I told her more about Lexi and Kyle than I ever had the twins.

Then I told her about Michael. The love in my voice was evident when I spoke about him. Even after all these years, I was still utterly in love with him. I told our story from the beginning, how we had met and how much we had to go through to be together. I described how he had been when I first met him, and how he changed, and how I had never let him go or gave up on him. And how he did the same for me.

I slowed down when I started talking about finding I was pregnant. It was harder to word things correctly. But as it turned out it didn’t even matter. I looked up at her after talking about how Eric had stabbed me, and I found her fast asleep. I moved my fingers over her soft, warm arm and then went back to holding her hand.

Something made me keep talking then. It was less about my life and more about what it would have been like if we had been able to keep her. I imagined our life together out loud, speaking softly so as not to wake her.

“Good morning,” I heard from the doorway, just after the sun had come up. I had been talking about our farm in New Zealand and imagining raising her there. My cheeks flushed at being caught talking like this by my brother.


Kyra:

I woke up early in the morning and knocked on my dad’s door to take me to see Kira. We left the boy’s a note and went without them. Once there, he stopped me in the hallway just before Kira’s room. Together we listened for a few minutes to Kirssy’s soft voice. There was a look on my Dad’s face between satisfaction and hope. I didn’t know how to feel about Krissy talking to Kira without me there, but when we walked into he room and I saw here there holding her hand while she slept, my heart warmed. There was also the smallest twinge of sadness and envy.

Kira:

I listened with rapt attention to every word being spoken. Not all of it took into my brain, there was just too much fog. Even if I wasn't focused on the words themselves I absorbed the sound of her voice, the feel of her hand on top of mine. All things I would have had growing up that I missed out on.

It was easier to focus when it was about her and about my father. They were more interesting to me than hearing about my deceased aunt. However before I knew it I drifted off to the lull of her voice.

I couldn't tell how long I was asleep but I came aware of other voices in the room. Slowly my eyes opened and I blinked to clear the blur. A slow smile came to face as I saw Kyra and Kyle. "Hi. I fell asleep."

Krya:

I went over to her immediately. "I was so worried. How are you feeling? I spoke to Jonah this morning. He's on his way back, he should be here in a few hours." I wanted to hug her, but I knew she didn't like it. Even so, she was allowing Krissy to touch her. Something that truly amazed me.

"'m sorry for worrying you." My smile gave way to a puzzled frown. "Jonah is coming back? I thought he was with Evelyn. Have I been asleep long? I don't want him disappointed in me..." The puzzlement shifted into sadness before fading away entirely. "Where's Paublo and Andrew? Are they okay?" I paused then, blinked twice then smiled. "I have a family Kyra. She was telling me about it."

Krissy:

I was reluctant to let her go, but I could only stay sitting for so long. And Kyra was here now. It was very clear how she felt about her. Kyra had always wanted her. She was a better person than I was.

“I’m going to get some breakfast for everyone,” I said quietly. Kyle went with me, leaving the two girls alone. He told me that Kira liked fruit parfait. It seemed everyone knew my Daughter than I did. Even Michael somehow knew more about her.

Kyra:

“Everyone is fine, just concerned for you,” I said, taking Krissy’s empty seat. “You’ve always had a family, I tried to tell you that, before.” Her attitude was bewildering, but I quickly figured out that she was high on drugs. She didn’t look too well either. With her smile, she looked a tad delirious.

Kira:

"You did....I'm sorry I didn't believe you. You are really nice and I like you." I nodded sharply giggled a bit and just grew quiet then. "I'm on painkillers I think. I don't feel myself...I feel wrong like I'm in a fog....but...I don't have to hide like this. Don't have to use a mask."

Slowly my expression grew thoughtful. "Maybe it would be better to stay like this. I don't hurt anymore like I did before I passed out and fell. And I got to talk to Krissy because of this."

Kyra:

I chewed on my lip a little. It was sweet, what she was saying, but I had to wonder if it was really what she felt or if the drugs and the fever were making her feel those things. "What did you talk about?" I asked her curiously. She had been asleep when we came in.

"Mmm....we talked about why was she here...she apologized for what she said and then she just talked about her family and how she grew up and all that stuff." Nodding I smiled up at her. "I have a family but I don't know how to be part of a family...can you teach me?"

Krya:

"All you have to do is be yourself," I said with a soft smile. "That's what got me, that's what will get the rest of them. Just don't push us away and we will always be there for you."

My dad and Krissy back with breakfast and Krissy gave Kira her yogurt parfait. Kira's face lit up and Krissy gave her a shy smile. It was so strange to see these people I knew so well acting so differently.
Andrew and Paublo joined us an hour later. And a few hours after that Jonah showed up with Evelyn.


Jonah:


I paused at the doorway of the full room. It was surprising to see Kira's mother there, by her bedside. I nodded to Kyle who saw me first, but otherwise I had no expressions.

I slowly ate through my parfait with a happy expression throughout. My entire focus was on the treat in my hands. After I faded in and out of focus, the morphine making it hard to focus on so many people at once. As such I grew quieter but after several hours I turned to look at the door and my face lit up in a smile. "Jonah." A little catch was in my voice as if he was someone special. "Hi."

Jonah:

If it had been a surprise to see her mother here, it was a shock to see her reaction to me. I knew there was something between us, but it was difficult to get any indication from her.

I walked up to the foot of the bed. All eyes were on me now. “Kyra said you fell three stories. What happened?” I asked, keeping my tone neutral. I couldn’t give any leeway on my actions in front of so many people.

My gaze followed him as he walked up to me. "I passed out. I think I got sick? I hadn't been able to take my medicine in a while. I put my thermos of it with the medical supplies like I always do but then it was gone. Maybe I got sick from not taking it? I was just told it was vitamins and I had to take it." I babbled it all out.

Finally I looked away from him to gaze at the ceiling. "They put morphine in me. I feel all floaty like I'm swimming. Can you take us swimming when I'm better?" Again my gaze slid over to him. There were no walls, no mask. All of the emotions he'd learned to read under the surface were right there in plain view. My curiosity, admiration, and general enjoyment of him were all there. But so too were little signs of a desire for his approval.

Jonah:

What I would have given to have her alone like this. She was at the surface nothing moderating her words and her feelings. I didn’t like that she was so vulnerable in front of all these people.

“You didn’t take your medicine?” I questioned. I knew all eyes were on us, but my attention was fully on her, drinking in every tell she had. “’You should have said something, Kira. I asked if you could handle the mission and you said you could.” My tone was disapproving now.

I shouldn’t have let her go out like that. I could tell that she was off. She tried to cover it, but I knew she was hampered in some manner.

I wilted away from his disapproving tone. "I didn't know...I put it with our gear and then it was gone...I thought it was just medicine." I picked at the blanket covering my body, looking away from him. "It was in the thermos. I always prep some for a mission..."

Jonah:

"I'll deal with it," I said. She didn't handle disapproval well. I glanced at the mother to find cold eyes watching me. She didn't like the way I was treating her daughter? Interesting considering the things she had said to her the last time they met.

I left Kira's room and joined Evelyn in the hall. I was going to call Marie immediately but then Eve confessed to me. An icey fury settled over me despite her apologies. I sent Evelyn away, I didn't want her in the hospital with Kira.

After she was gone, I called Marie. "Her mother is here," I added once I had informed her of the situation. There was a silence for a split second before she thanked me and hung up.

It was hard to place why I felt so down trodden. I couldn't understand why his approval meant so much to me and why his disapproval hurt. However before long my drug fueled haze had me animated again while drifting in and out of the general conversations.

Krissy:

I didn’t like Jonah (Kyra told me his name). I didn’t like the way he acted and I didn’t like the way he made Kira feel bad for getting sick. So, when he came back in I wasn’t too pleased.

“I called Marie,” He said to Kira. My eyes widened at the name. It was a gut response. IT was a common name, so that Jonah mentioned it didn’t mean anything… I glanced at Kyle, then at Kyra and the looks on their faces told me everything I needed to know.

I was frozen in place. I felt acid bubbling up my throat. My hands gripped the fabric of my jeans with white knuckles.