Perfect School

Kyra:

I took the mic off and broke it in my hand like Andrew had done with his. We were cut off from them now, we couldn't keep things that connected us. I didn't say anything for a long moment. Tears started flowing down my cheeks and I sniffled.

"I thought you wanted to be done, Kyra. We've been talking about it for months. Ever since-"

"I know. I just didn't want to leave them behind. I didn't want to leave Kira, or Paublo, or even Jonah. We've spent more time with them than we have spent with our family. I know we've been talking about it, and I know you've been done with it for even longer, but this is hard for me, Andrew. And it's so sudden," I said, still looking out the window and sniffling.

"It will get better. And I'm sure this isn't the last time we'll see Kira, at least. She's still family."

I didn't respond for a while. Eventually, I said, "What are we going to tell Dad?" He was the one who had wanted us to go to the school. He had insisted even when Andrew didn't want it. He wouldn't be happy that we decided to leave.

"Maybe we don't tell him for a while. Maybe we figure things out for ourselves before we tell the rest of the family. Zero will help us."

I leaned my char back. I didn't make much of an attempt to stop crying. I was miserable. And I was angry with Andrew for forcing this choice upon us. I knew it was partly my fault too. It was stupid to attack Jonah, but there was no going back from threatening to kill him like Andrew had done.

Kira:

I cleared every room I came across, and when there was nothing more to check I began backtracking. Reclearing as I went. A few brass rounds and a scraped knee was the only loss I endured by the time I left the tunnels. Even out in the air I kept my weapon ready as I hiked to our van.

I wasn't the first one, Jonah beat me and from the crashing I heard coming from the brush Paublo wasn't too far away. I went right for the van, pulling open the back hatch and setting my rifle into the trunk. I began stripping my gear away, leaving the essentials on just in case but ditching a lot of the weight and extra padding.

Jonah:

I looked Paublo over when he emerged. He didn’t question when I said we were leaving. From that I figured he knew what had happened with Kyra and Andrew. I had wondered if he would be tempted to join them, or leave on his own. Perhaps Paublo was more loyal than that.

I climbed into the driver’s seat once they were both in the van. I didn’t say anything to either of them.

Paublo:

I opened the back door but before I could climb into the vehicle Kira slipped in the opening. Blinking I closed the door for her then got into the passenger seat up front instead, removing my helmet and gloves after buckling in.

Kira:

I stretched out in the back, slowly working the velcro straps free on the body armor. For the assault I'd grabbed gear that was complicated to put on and take off but protected me better rather than something simple I could slip on and off. I was glad for it too, when I got the last strap free and I tugged the whole thing off I noticed a couple nicks and scratches it had picked up along the way.

I tossed it into the seat next to me and fished my backpack out of the back so I could slip on thin sweatshirt over my tanktop.

Jonah:

The trip back to the school was a quiet one. I didn’t feel like talking and Paublo and Kira were both quiet on their own. Both probably wishing they had gone with the twins instead of staying with me.

When we got back, I informed the school head that the O’Shay siblings had left the team and thus the school. The next day, the kids were all talking about it. Half of them had admired Kyra and the other half had a crush on her. It wasn’t surprising that it was big news.

That night I went to Kira’s door and knocked softly. I was still agitated from yesterday although I had buried it during the day. When Eve had left me, I had been annoyed, but at that point I had grown tired of her. Kyra and Andrew leaving was a harder blow than I would have thought. It was a hit to my ego. They were pieces that I counted on being under my control, and in a moment they had gone. That couldn’t happen again.

I had let Kira slip too far away. I counted on the fact that she would eventually warm back up to me. She just needed time to put the failed mission away. But what if she followed the same path as Kyra? How would I feel if she left me too? The thought made my stomach clench.

Kira:

I had my stereo on soft and I let out a soft breath as I sank deeper into the bathtub. It wasn't often that I cared to even pamper myself even with something like this. But Kyra and Andrew had left. It left me wondering if maybe they had made the right call.

The bath was comforting, soothing, and since the tubs were big I could almost float. I'd even gone so far as to add bubbles. And then it was ruined by a knock. Groaning I just considered ignoring it, telling them to go away, or going for a gun and just shooting whomever was on the other side of the door.

Instead I pulled the plug and climbed out of the bath. "Give me a minute, I need to rinse off." I called out. Wasn't many people who were willing to knock on my door. Less now that my family had left.

I guessed it was Jonah, in which case I didn't feel too bad about making him wait. Almost certain it was him I lingered, going through the whole reutine before wrapping up in a couple towels. Even for Jonah I'd taken a while and rather than force him to wait I tugged on a shirt and a pair of sleep shorts and finally answered the door.

"It's a bit on the late side." I remarked to Jonah and leaned against the doorjam to search his face. "What do you want?"

Jonah:

I looked her once over when she opened the door but my eyes returned to her face quickly. "Can I come in?" I asked, gesturing inside. For a moment I wondered if she would refuse, but there was still more between us than that. She may not see me as a friend anymore, but she still had some degree of feelings.

I considered for a long moment, forcing him to wait once more before finally shrugging and moving into the room. I walked past my bed and into the bathroom, returning with a brush. I sat on the bed and focused on the mirror above the dresser. Running the brush through my hair I waited for him to explain whatever it was he wanted.

Normally I'd never have done any of this in front of him. After training or missions I'd always done it in private or not even bothered until Kyra got fed up with my hair being a mess or wanting to pamper herself with someone to enjoy it with. And unless I had too for a mission or I knew Marie was checking in I did whatever the bare minimum was.

Jonah:

I walked in and closed the door behind me. When she sat down on her bed, I pulled a chair to face her and watched for a long moment. She had let me in, but it was clear she wanted to be sure I knew that she didn't care if I was here or not. But she did care.

"Have you heard from Kyra and Andrew?" I asked finally. I expected that Kyra at least would contact her. The two were very close.

((She hasn't, by the way))

I paused mid stroke of the brush at his question. I considered if I should even tell him, it wasn’t exactly something that concerned him anymore. But I’m the end I resumed working on my hair and shrugging. “No I haven’t heard from them. It also hasn’t been long.” I gave him a look then and raised a brow slightly. “Is it your place to even ask anymore?”

Jonah:

I looked her back in the eyes. "Why wouldn't it be?" I asked. "They have been a large part of my life. I'd count them as friends, at least on my side. Perhaps not Andrew, as he has apparently wanted me dead this whole time." I looked at her table for a moment then back at her. "But I did care for Kyra, despite her attacking me yesterday, I do hope she does well."

I had known the twins for longer than Kira after all. They were the first of their age group to arrive at the school. Kyra and I had been friendly from the beginning. It was my secret suspicion that she had a crush on me at first, though there was certainly no shred of that now.

Setting aside the brush I leaned back on my hands and regarded him. “I don’t know if you have friends Jonah. Pawns perhaps. But I doubt you’d show interest in anyone if they weren’t useful to you in some fashion.”

I snorted then, “Andrew never hated you until the end perhaps. He hated me when I attacked Kyra when Marie ordered me to do so. If I know him at all I would say he simply didn’t care about you. Maybe respected you a bit for your skill but if you weren’t team leader he wouldn’t have even listened to a word you said.”

Jonah:

I didn’t say anything for a moment, only watching her. I put my elbow on the table and leaned on it. “Tell me how I’m different, Kira. Is that not how most relationships work? There is no interest unless there is some kind of gain? Take you and me for example. While you may not call it a friendship, we do have something more than indifference and its because we are useful to each other. Tell me, would you have any interest in me if I had mediocre abilities as an assassin? If I wasn’t a leader? If I couldn’t understand you? Or make you feel something other than a sense of duty for an apathetic mistress?”

“I think you’ll find, if you really look at it, that all relationships are based on some degree of usefulness. Just because I can see how someone is useful to me better than most can, doesn’t mean I don’t still have the same connections,” I said

"Perhaps. But really with the exception of me how many people do you have as a 'friend' that you actually enjoy or want to be around and spend time with." I spread my hands in a small shrug. "Maybe I should amend my previous definition to include that."

Leaning back on my hands again I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment then returned my gaze back to him. "When was the last time you did anything with Paublo beyond ordering him around? Before I came to know you I would have pegged him as your best friend. But you don't really spend time with anyone."

Raising my hand I held up a finger to forstall what I thought would be one of his comments. "I don't think I've ever had a friend. I have had fellow trainees, I have had other students, team mates, I'd even go so far as to say there are people in this world who I don't think are terrible." I lowered that hand and returned to my position. "Instead I gained something called Family. Which if I listen to those who pushed me into dealing with the matter. I don't really get a say in having family and being around them."

Jonah:

“Well I don’t have the luxury of having a family, Kira,” I said sharply. “And Paublo and I are still close, we just lack common ground other than our current situation. I would add to your definition to include going out of one’s way and against one’s goals, even risking one’s life for, another person. If you add that desiring one's company and enjoying being with them, You and Kyra, at least, would still count.”

“It’s true, I don’t have many people to care about, but I still have some. And it does not feel good to lose one. Which is why,” I sighed and gestured to her, “I am in your resistant presence. I thought since you have lost too, that we might be of some comfort to each other.”

The longer he went on the more narrowed my eyes grew. He didn't seem to like talking about his family that was an interesting note. But my gaze wasn't angry, more thoughtful than anything else. It wasn't often Jonah seemed vulnerable. Human almost. I'd been taught to be an unfeeling cold machine. But he was different. Everything was calculated, purposeful. Manipulative.

I was sure this was just more of the same, and yet it was something different too. He hadn't changed at all. He was still a bastard. But perhaps this side of him...well it wasn't so bad.

Jonah:

“But perhaps you only want me around when it is convenient to you. I’ve told you why I count you as a friend, and not as merely a pawn. And still, you say you have no friends. Using your definition of friendship, I take that to mean you do not enjoy my company or want to be around me. And yet you have come to me--I’ll admit rarely--for some form of company.” I looked her in the eyes while I spoke.

“So then, looking at your argument, it seems you are the one who only shows interest if someone is useful to you. I have shown you over and over that I want to be around you, that I am interested in you, that I am willing to risk something for your safety, or the safety of those you care about. You are my friend, Kira. But what am I to you?”

And just like that I closed my eyes and breathed out slowly through my nose. Human for one moment, gone the next. I didn't speak for a moment, didn't breathe. How could I make him understand? How could I make it known to him that I was hurt by his actions?

My eyes opened then and I regarded him once more. I finally drew in a breath as the words came to my lips. "Once Jonah you were one of the people I trusted in my life. You might be harsh, you might be controlling in your own way. You might be many things but I trusted you."

Sitting up I raised a finger to my lips, pressing it against them in the hopes he'd let me finish. Pulling the finger away I spread my hands in a tiny shrug. "We could go round and round talking about the how and why and the expectations we had for each other. Ultimately that wont get us anywhere. Actions are already done and neither of us are surprised by the choices the other made."

I leaned forward then searching his face with an almost curious expression. "And yet you did something that broke my trust even more than anything else. In all the years I've known you I've never lied to you. And yet before the events on that mission...you lied to me Jonah. Why?"

Jonah:

I sighed. This again. It didn’t matter what I said to her. She wouldn’t listen. “I’ve explained that already. There was no other option. If I hadn’t lied to you, I wouldn’t have been able to have done what I did. I am not willing to remain a puppet. That might be enough for you, but it isn’t enough for me.”

“I chose to lie to you because if I hadn’t you would have stopped me. Or you would have tried to. You were never going to choose me. Even though what I what to do would essentially free you too. I lied to you because you because you gave me no other option. It was either lie to you or kill you, and I didn’t want that, despite it being the easier option.” I leaned back in my chair, in a relaxed pose so as not to be a threat to her.

I rolled my eyes. "There was no other option huh? Had you taken care of it properly the mission would have gone smoother. I wouldn't have nearly died. Could have all played out exactly as you wanted with less danger."

Shaking my head I glared at him. "How like a god you wish to be. 'You were never going to choose me, so I lied.' 'I had to lie or kill you there are no other options.' 'You'd never choose me but I'll keep asking.' 'I'm going to force all of my desires and expectations on you but you'll never pick me.'" My tone grew more mocking.

"If you know how I'm going to react, if you know what it is I want. Why on earth are you even trying? Why even ask me to be with you? Why force me and show me what it means to care about people, family, you when you are so damn sure I'm just going to choose differently?" I drew in a shaky breath then pointed at the door. "Leave Jonah, I don't want to hear any more of your woe is me bullshit."

Jonah:

I ignored her command. Her words grated on my already agitated nerves. My eyes narrowed at her. “Is that what you want then? For me to leave you alone from now on? Just because I chose to do something important to me, and you didn’t support it?” I scoffed.

“After all these years of being with you. All these years of having you your back. After encouraging you to be better. After helping you find what you want and encouraging you to go after it. After all of these years helping you to become the person you are now, you want me to just leave? Because of one incident?”

I didn’t give her time to respond. “”That shows what I mean to you. What I have always meant to you. You’ve been so resistant to me. You open up to others and still keep me at a distance, yet I was the one who got you to that point. If it weren’t for me, you would likely still be the cold stone shell that no one could love. Doing whatever Marie wants with no thought in your head. You wouldn’t be happy, you wouldn’t feel anything.”

I stood up from my chair. “You know what, Kira? There were a few times that I nearly decided not to go through with my plan. Because I cared about you. I doubted myself, and that doesn’t happen often. Because of you. And then you said that it would never happen.”

“Instead you chose to serve the woman who stole you from a family who would have loved you. The woman who stole a whole life from you. Who had you tortured as a child. Who had you all but raped.” My fists clenched. “You chose her instead of me.”

I was taken off guard. In all the years I'd known Jonah I'd never seen him get angry with me. Never seen him lose his control. His own anger made mine smolder then flare up. My hand itched for a weapon, not to hurt him but to protect me. This was Jonah, who knew how this could turn out.

"I never asked for you to do any of those things Jonah. I never asked you to open me up. Never asked you to change me. You made that choice. You, Kyra, my family. But it was never about what I wanted. Only once have I ever asked you for anything. Only once. And you decided it wasn't worth it because it didn't help you."

I huffed and shook my head. "I don't even know if I can believe the bullshit that comes out of your mouth. Nearly didn't go through with your plan? I've nearly had sex with you Jonah. Because against all odds. Against everything I've ever wanted. I care about you. Not cared. Care."

I jabbed a finger towards the door. "If you ever, ever want such feelings to continue you will get out of my sight. And maybe think about fixing your mistake. Actually doing the one thing I've ever asked you for."

Jonah:

I looked down at her. For a split second I had a strong urge to grab her. Whether to hurt her, or kiss her, I couldn’t tell. “I didn’t make a mistake, I made a choice. I am sorry that it hurt you. I’m sorry that you feel betrayed by what I did. But I don’t regret doing it. I don’t regret it because it put me closer to taking out Marie. That’s worth a little suffering, even if you’re too blind to see it.”

I left her room without giving her time to say another word. I was more agitated than before. She was too stubborn to see reason. She always had been.

I stood up from the bed after he left. I didn't know if it was the danger I'd felt form him at the last moment or something else entirely but my breathing was more ragged than I expected it to be. Clenching and unclenching my hands for a moment I stared into space uncertain what it was I wanted or needed to do now. I was tense, warm, and over all just confused.

"I need another bath..." I murmured. I closed my door then left a trail of clothes on my way to the bathroom.

I'd never seen Jonah like that. Angry, insistent, argumentative. As I sank underneath the hot water I couldn't help but run his words through my head. Was he right?

Hours later when I finally curled up in my bed, well fed and well groomed. That same question kept returning.

Was Jonah right?

Krissy:

I was almost as nervous to pick Kira up as I was the very first time she came to visit us. I had done damage to our relationship that I wasn’t sure I could entirely fix. We had talked and she had agreed to come to visit us again, so all was not lost but I did need this to go really well.

Not only was it the first time she was visiting us after I had gone off the deep end, but it was the first time she would be spending a whole week alone with us. So there was added pressure.

She had messaged that she landed five minutes ago. I shifted next to Michael squeezing his hand and holding the bouquet of tropical flowers closer. She would walk out any minute now.