Perfect School

Krissy:

“How could you do this?” I shouted at Kyle. I couldn't bare it anymore. I couldn't bare the way Michael was looking at me. I couldn't bare the look in Kyle's eyes. I couldn't bare the reality of the situation. I got up and pushed past the two of them. I threw open the room door and came face to face with the very girl we had been talking about.

My heart broke into a million pieces at the sight of her. She was just like Michael, but with my eyes. She wasn't an adult either, she was a child, a girl. I couldn't read her face, but she looked white as a sheet. Of course she did, no one could hear what I had just said without feeling horrible.

I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I wasn't a mother, I didn't know how to make everything better. I just shook my head, my lips pressed thinly together and my eyes watering.

“I'm sorry,” I said to her, my voice breaking. And then I turned and walked away from her. I went outside and climbed into the car we had rented. I sat in the passengers side and I sobbed. It wasn't that I didn't want her. I just didn't want her to exist. I didn't want her to feel the pain of it all. My heart ached just thinking about her, about what she was.


Jonah:

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe a mother wouldn't want her child. From the beginning I had thought that Kira would always be the sticking point, that she wouldn't want her family. I had never thought that her family would reject her.

I felt bad for her, watching her through the whole thing. I only heard the last part where the woman had shouted. She was basically saying she wished Kira was dead. I could see the war on Kira's face, trying not to feel the pain, trying not to get hurt. She was drowning in it. She tried to shut it down but I was sure it was only on the surface. It would be a while before she could recover from that. I wouldn't be surprised if it screwed with her head for years to come. I wondered if I should tell Marie.


Kyra:

I hadn't heard a thing until Krissy started shouting about acceptance. I was shocked. I had never heard anything like that from Kirssy. It had never even occurred to me that they might not want to be with Kira. She was family and family was the most important thing to us. I left Andrew's sleeping side to go out in the hall. I saw Krissy come face to face with Kira then just leave her there.

How could she do that? How could she leave her child? This was going to destroy everything I had done with Kira. She was going to hate me because of this, if she didn't already hate me. I put my hand over my mouth. I wanted to run to her and wrap my arms around her and tell her that I wanted her in my family. But I didn't think that would matter now.

Kira:

I turned my face away from her, arms folded under my breasts. I had all I needed now. Her very apology fell upon deaf ears. I wasn't wanted, that was that. She was wasting time saying such things when she didn't mean it. Once she was gone I moved. My mask was perfect again. And pushing off the wall I moved back down the hallway. I walked right past Jonah and paused as I stood beside Kyra without looking at her. "Hide your tears. You have shed enough and I can only imagine what Andrew would say if he saw you now?" My voice was flat, ad void as the day we had first met. Moving past her I returned to the table, Sitting before it and picking up a pistol to begin cleaning.

Kyra:

I walked back into the room behind her. “I'm not ashamed to cry for those whom I love,” I said quietly while I blotted my tears away on my sleeve. I didn't know how to make her feel better, I didn't even know what she was feeling. She was probably hating me. I sat back down with Andrew and put my face down on his bed.

Jonah:

I heard Kyle say something to Kira's father, something about coming back in the morning. It was pointless, I thought. There was no way they were going to reach any part of her now. When she went to listen at the door, that was her showing that she wanted to be part of her family. Now that she had been thoroughly rejected, there would be no coming back from that. Not for some time at least.

Kyle came back down the hallway, past me. I wanted to tell him not to talk to Kira, not to go near her, but he had the right to go see his children. It was interesting that after what had happened that Kira went back to Kyra and Andrew. She hadn't come to me, or gone off on her own. Part of her still wanted to be close. Maybe that was the only comfort she could get.

I walked in after kyle and leaned against the door frame. He said goodbye to Kyra, telling her that he would come back in the morning. There was pain and conflict in his eyes every time he looked at Kira. On his way out he hesitated as he passed her, and for a quick moment he placed his hand on her shoulder before leaving. After he was gone, I went over to sit in my same spot across from her.

Kira:

I didn't react to any of them. They were all tuned out, even their touches were nothing. I didn't feel anything right now, my emotions numb as my body protected itself from the pain. I wanted music, making the mental note to have Zero start packing me headphones in our gear. Drowning out the world even more sounded like the better plan.

It was the little ways even I could tell I wasn't alright. I cleaned the same two pistols twice. Went over parts again, and just had moments where I stared at nothing. But I didn't sleep that night, and by the time the sun started to rise I functioned normally.

Krissy:

I didn't say anything on the car ride home. I knew Michael kept looking at me, but I couldn't bring myself to look back, to see the disappointment in his eyes. I felt guilty for what I had done. I was a horrible person, but I couldn't feel another way about the situation. It was too screwed up. I stared out the window until we got to the hotel.

After we checked in and got to our room I went straight to take a shower. Michael knocked on the door, and called my name, but I didn't respond. I let my tears mix with the burning hot water until my skin started to prune. Finally I came out of the shower and went straight to my suitcase without looking at him. I dressed in leggings and a long sleeved button up night gown.

"You have never ignored me like this." I remarked softly. I was still fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed and my hands held together. I didn't look at her straight on, choosing instead to focus on the floor. "But ignoring won't change that we have to talk about this. We need too." Slowly i looked up at her small smile, "Come here my darling."

Krissy:

The corners of my mouth turned down when he said I had never ignored him before. I turned to face him, expecting to see disappointment, and prepared to sit across the room from him in defiance. He gave me a small smile then and my shoulders drooped. I went to sit by his side, with my legs tucked under me. Leaning my forehead into his shoulder I said, "I don't know what to say about it."

"We have a daughter. That can't be denied. She has your eyes you know...". Settling a hand on her thigh I gently rubbed. "We can get a test to prove it if you want. But i don't need one...what matters is...what do we do now? What do we do with her?"

Krissy:

My face wrinkled.  "What can we do with her?  There's nothing more connecting us than genetics," I murmured.  "She's an adult, not a child.  There's nothing we can offer her."  the image of her face when I walked out of the room was burned into my mind.  She didn't look like an adult.

"Save her? Understand her? There are many things we can do. We know almost nothing about her. Where has she been, what has happened to her, what kind of life she lived, who it's been with." Gently I rubbed her back. "We can't just ignore her. Not while she is with our niece and nephew."

Krissy:

"Why?" I felt horrible. I knew it wasn't right to feel this way. "Wouldn't it be better if we just went on with the way things were? We don't know how to be parents... Especially not to a nearly grown girl." I shifted so my head was more resting on his shoulder. I didn't want to look him in the eyes.

Gently I rubbed her back, looking away from her for a long moment. "The way things were? So would that mean we leave her to being like me?" I couldn't keep the slight edge to my voice.

Krissy:

I shook my head. He was thinking about what I said earlier about her turning out like him. I hadn't meant to say it like that. I shifted closer to him, pressing my face into the crook of his neck.

"Not like you," I whispered. "Like you were before I knew you. Not everyone can come back from that. Especially not if they were raised that way. You're are the exception."

"Three of us did. Only two of us are around anymore. But three of us made it out. And it wasn't me who changed that. You did that. You pulled me out of it." She was getting steadily closer, and i adjusted myself for her comfort.

Krissy:

"Michael... This isn't the same. This isn't the same at all. I pulled you out by falling in love with you." I put my hand on his other shoulder, holding onto him. "We don't have anything to offer her... We don't know how to be parents." My throat started to get thick. "I can't be a mother... Even with Kyle's children, I didn't know how to look after them. I always turned them back to him whenever they needed more attention or care. I can't give her anything."

"Do you think Kyle knew how to be a father?" I asked softly. "Do you believe any parent does?" Heaving a sigh I looked away from her. "Once we make this choice we can't change it in the future Krissy. It is either all or nothing."

Krissy:

"Kyle always wanted to have kids. I never did," I said. The image of her face came into my mind again. Kira. My daughter. "I wish she didn't exist." I couldn't imagine us together. I couldn't imagine how we could even begin to be a family. It wouldn't ever work.

"Krissy." I chided her softly. "She does. And the both of us left the life where we make people cease to exist. Never fault someone for existing. It wasn't her fault she came to be."

Krissy:

I sighed deeply. I didn't know what more to say. "What do you want to do then?" I asked. I couldn't lead this one. I was hopeless in this situation.

"I want to get to know her. Like it or not she is ours. At the very least my love can we try talking with her tomorrow?" I asked softly, my lips planted a kiss to her temple and I pulled her fully onto my lap. I didn't know how tomorrow would go. I was sure the girl had heard all the yelling Krissy had done about not wanting her. I had never known my parents but a part of me wished I could have known them. I could sympathize with Kira. But ultimately I couldn't force the two of them to get along.

Krissy:

I molded against him and wound my arms around his neck. "Okay," I whispered. The idea terrified me. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with her, how to talk to her, what to say after all I had said earlier.

It was a restless night with me clinging to Michael more than usual. In what sleep I did get, I mostly dreamed about Kira.


Jonah:

I stayed awake for much of the night thinking about Kira, replaying ever new expression I had seen on her face. There was something that bothered me about it. She hadn't looked at me on her way back to the room. Not even a glance. When she was in a heightened state of emotion, I wasn't even a thought to her. It bothered me more than it should have.

In the morning we all returned to Andrew's room. He started waking up, but my eyes were more often on Kira.

Kira:

I didn't sleep. I simply couldn't. My mind wouldn't stop thinking over their words. Replaying it all within my head over and over. I wasn't wanted. Those words never ceased to be pounded into my head. On top of that the woman Krissy had the nerve to apologize to me. The only thing she had said to me. Sorry for what? Giving life to me? Abandoning me? Not wanting me? My simple existence?

Before the sun began to rise I left just briefly enough to get coffee and doughnuts before returning to my seat at the corner. I had cleaned the guns several times. The only sound I had been making since I first sat back down after my parents had left. But this time I didn't resume cleaning. I simply sat and picked apart my breakfast.

Jonah:

Kyle arrived shortly after everyone started stirring. He helped himself to a donut and sat close by his kids, talking with them in low tones. His phone buzzed and he sighed with a glance toward Kira. Ten minutes later her parents came through the doorway, both with circles under their eyes. The energy in the room froze. Even Kyra was closed off to them.

Kira:

I could feel the temperature change. But I kept my eyes on the table. My mind shut down, my mask slipped back into place. For being awake all night I had originally felt tired but with the change in atmosphere I was awake in an instant. They had returned. The ones who didn’t want me. My parents.


Michael:

I looked over the room, feeling even more tired as the change in atmosphere hit me. Unwelcome was how it felt to me. My gaze roamed over the gathered people. Andrew, Kyra, and Kyle at the bed. The big one, Paublo still dozing in the corner with his face smushed into the wall. And then Jonah and my daughter sitting at the table in the other corner. Her back was too me, hood raised, shoulders drawn up. I wanted to see her face, see her again. But she was closed off to me. The boy beside her, Jonah, he was watching I could tell. Watching it all. How curious.



Jonah:

I met Michael's gaze for a split second and was surprised to see that he was reading me. There was more to him than just a retired assassin. I guess there was a reason Marie wanted Kira specifically. I leaned back in my chair, seemingly relaxed.


Krissy:

I glanced at Kira on my into the room, but she was angled away from us. Of everyone there, Andrew was the most welcoming, in his own way. Kyra crossed her arms and avoided looking at me and Kyle still looked disappointed.

"Hi kiddo, how are you feeling?" I asked from the foot of the bed, looking down at my nephew.

"I've been better, my head hurts. But I'll live," He said dryly. I reached out to touch Kyra's shoulder, she didn't move away, but she didn't react either. I glanced at Michael.





Kira:

“Hi kiddo, how are you feeling?” Krissy’s voice washed over me. It made me waver, made me want to turn. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t to me she spoke. The very idea slid my eyes shut and helped sink me deeper behind my walls. I didn’t turn to anyone, instead I simply drank from my coffee, tipping back the paper cup until it was empty.


Michael:

I looked to Krissy then, meeting her gaze. The O’Shay’s were big on family, I knew Kyra had a huge heart for those she cared for and would do anything for family. I didn’t doubt she had heard Krissy’s yelling. The treatment she was giving my wife was to be expected, but it simply made me pity Krissy. I knew it had to hurt.


Jonah:

Kira put on a mask, but only because she was raw on the inside. It was incredible to see this much emotion stirring in her. I got no pleasure from it.

Krissy was hesitant in all of her movements. She tried to bring Kyra into conversation to which she got shrugs and nothing more. The whole dynamic of the family was interesting. Kyra wasn't kidding when they said they took family seriously. They were on Kira's side, even though she was an outsider, just because Krissy had rejected her.


Michael:


After almost an hour had passed I set a hand on Krissy’s shoulder. “Come on. No sense avoiding it anymore.” I stood from where I had sat on the edge of the bed. I moved over to the table and the small figure who had yet to look at us. “Kira. Can we talk?”


Krissy:

I stood up slowly and hovered behind Michael. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I was scared beyond reason to face the girl. There was no way I could justify what I had said yesterday that I was sure she had heard. She probably hated me. Along with everyone else in the room apparently.


Michael:


Slowly the girl stood, but she didn’t move from her spot. “I’ll be back soon.” She directed the words to Jonah. My pity changed from my wife to this girl. Her voice was void of emotion. She could have been talking about the weather for all the inflection her tone had. She didn’t look to anyone that I could tell as she walked out of the room. I followed along behind after a few moments. In the hallway she entered the same room that we had talked in with Kyle. Inside she was leaning against the far wall, the hood abandoned as she watched us with cold eyes and arms folded. “Keep it quick.”

Krissy:

She did hate me, it was clear when I looked at her face again. The same face I had seen shock on yesterday. I twisted my hands together feeling quite queasy. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want o be here. I couldn't bare it.