University Roommates (Restart)

Emily:
I shook my head and grabbed the book, finally wrapping my hands around it and pulling it towards me. "You dont get it. He couldn't even get past the first few chapters. It's not good. I can handle that, just let me put it back where it belongs. In the trash," I said, not able to look him in the eye.

Ashton:

I sighed but I let her take it. "It's not trash. Please don't throw it away. Just give it a few days, okay?" I pulled my hand back hesitantly. "Why don't we do something to take your mind off it for a while? You want to watch a movie? Your pick," I suggested.

Emily:
I looked at him and sighed. "Why are you doing this? You clearly don't wanna be my friend, or anything else, so why do you keep pretending that you do?" I asked, unable to hold it in anymore. I held the book tightly to my chest and met his eyes, searching them for an answer. "I can't keep up."

Ashton:

Sighing again I looked away, rubbing my temple with one hand. "Emily... I do want to be your friend..." And more, I thought, but I couldn't tell her that. "I'm not pretending. This is the happiest I've been in years. But you don't deserve this... You don't deserve to have someone like me dragging you down." I ran my hand down my face. "Why do we keep having to talk about this..."

Emily:
We kee having this coversation because you still think that deciding whats best for me is a good idea. And you still think that Im gonna run away the seocnd something bad happens. Or you think you're gonna do something so bad that I hate you. But guess what? Thats not gonna happen." I told him. "And all you're doing in the process is wasting time." I said, feeling myself getting frustrated. And now that he had read some of my book, he had to have seen how I feel about him. He's not stupid, he knew exactly who the main characters were. The fights they had were identical to the ones we had. Theirs just ended in kiss while ours will probably end with me in my room, crying. Again.

Ashton:

A crease formed between my brows. I was silent for a minute. "What if something bad does happen?" I asked with a quick glance at her. There was only so much I could resist. My intellectual side knew I shouldn't do anything, but that was weakening more and more each time we came back to this. Hell, the last time I had told her I loved her.

Emily:
"Im a little insulted if you think I cant handle bad things." I said, frowning. "Not that I believe anything bad would even happen, but if it did, I'm a big girl. I dont need you to protect me from everything," I told him. "Not if it means you're gonna keep doing this," I said, gesturing to the space between us.

Ashton:

"If anything did, it would be my fault. How can I let you get involved with that?" I looked at her finally. "You say you can handle it. But you don't know what you're getting into with me. You think you know me, but I've only been like this for less than a year..."

Emily:
I shook my head. "This is what you do every time. You think you know everything and then you talk yourself out of it," I said, not even sure what "it" was. "Im telling you right now that I can make my own choices and anything that happens to me because of those choices are my own. You aren't to blame for them. Thats ridiculous to even say." I said, throwing one of my hands up. The other one was still clutching the book. "I just need you to make up your mind about what you want here." I said, more softly but with a slight edge to my voice.

Ashton:

I could feel my heart beating in my throat. "What do you want, Emily?" I asked quietly, looking at her sideways. No matter the choice it was choosing wrong. Either I was selfish, or I hurt her.

Emily:
"How can you ask me that?" I mumbled. "You read it. You know exactly what I want," I said, standing up and tossing the book on the coffee table. "How are you even questioning it?" I asked.

Ashton:

I looked at the book where she tossed it. "Emily." I couldn't stop saying her name. "I can't agree to anything more than friends. Can you accept that? I'll drop everything else if you can. I just... I cant be in any more of a relationship right now. If you're not going to accept it then I can start looking for my own place." I couldn't look her in the eyes now. My chest felt tight.

Emily:
I turned to face him and put my hands on my hips. "I've never stopped being your friend. Its not a matter of if I can accept anything. Im right here and thats where I'll stay because thats what friends do," I told him. "But if you're asking if I can handle not jumping you...I've been doing it for months, I think I'll manage," I said, sarcastically. I never asked him for a relationship. I wasn't stupid. He couldn't even casually touch me. I had already known he didn't feel the same way. 

Maybe it hurt a little more than I was willing to admit, but I could handle two rejections in one day.

Ashton:

"That's not what I meant," I groaned. "I mean I can't offer you more than what we already have. You can't expect more. I'm not going to be like Lucus," I gestured to the book. "I'm not going to snuggle up with you and fall asleep. I'm not someone you who can hold you. I can't do that. I don't want you to think that I can." I couldn't give in all the way. This was the best solution I could come up with, and I hated it.

Emily:
Now wasn't the time for jokes or sarcastic comments. I bit my lip and nodded. "Okay," I said, softly.

Ashton:

After she gave in, I should have felt better, but my stomach only twisted. I looked her in the eyes and let out a breath. "Why don't you sit back down. Let's watch something," I said glumly.

Emily:
I sat down again and brushed my hair out of my face. Wasnt this was he wanted? Why did he look like it wasnt? I tried to roll my shoulders and take a breath. "What do you wanna watch?" I asked.

Ashton:

"I don't know." I leaned forward to grab the remote and turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels a bit before offering out the remote to her. "You choose," I muttered and leaned against the couch armrest.

Emily:
"If youre gonna look that miserable the whole time, I'd rather not choose," I said, raising my eyebrows at the remote.

Ashton:

"Alright," I said, raising it again to change channels. After flipping it through I ended on a channel that was playing the movie, Jurassic World. It was at the part where the crowd was getting attacked.

Emily:
I rolled my eyes. So given the choice between picking the show himself or simply perking up a bit, he chose to change the channel. "You're impossible,"

Ashton:

I glanced at her then back to the screen. "You could have picked," I said with a shrug. It went on like that for much of the day. As my sister would describe it: I was moody.

Emily:
He was in a bad mood all day and I wasn't much better. When i came time for dinner, I got up and went searching around the kitchen. "Im gonna make pancakes," I called. "If you want some, speak now," I said, getting out the ingredients. We didn't have a lot of food in the house as Tasha was usually in charge in that. But I did have pancake ingredients, so thats what we were working with.

Ashton:


I muted the TV and shuffled over to the kitchen bar. "Let's go get something instead," I suggested. I couldn't bear much more of the stagnation between us. If we stayed in it would be more of the same, and I couldn't retreat to my room without her thinking I was avoiding her.

Emily:
Going out would mean getting dressed and awkward conversation and it would feel like a date even though it obviously wasn't. "Why? You dont like pancakes?" I asked, opening up on the flour. I stuck some to my fingers and flicked it at it. It was only supposed to be a little dust but instead it splattered all over his cloths. "....woops"