University Roommates (Restart)

Emily:
I frowned and sat up, pulling the sheet with me to cover my chest. My back was to him as he was still laying down and I bit my lip. Was I supposed to pretend I didn't know that the girl had been high? What if seeing her brought him back to doing drugs or being sad and angry again?

Ashton:

I sighed again and propped myself up on my elbow. The last thing I wanted to do was upset her. “Fine, we can talk. Just lay back down, love.” I said. If it would make her feel better I would talk. I was do my best to censor it, but I would talk.

Emily:
I laid back down on my own pillow on my own side of the bed. "I dont want to force you to talk to me," I said. "I just want to help...you scared me before," I told him softly.

Ashton:

I pulled her into my arms. “Sweetie, you do help me, more than you can know,” I said, holding onto her firmly. “I’m sorry I scared you, I never want to do that. I don’t want to go back to the way it was before,” I said. I meant it too, for what it was worth.

Emily:
I went into his arms without a fight and snuggled closer. "I dont either. I love you so much and I couldn't stand it if..." I trailed off and shook my head. "You reminded me today thats its only been a few weeks since the last time I saw you look like that," i told him.

Ashton:

“I know, baby, I know,” I said. “I’m not going back, I promise.” I hoped to God I wouldn’t break it. “Seeing my ex today just rattled me is all. I didn’t expect it. I’m so sorry.”

Emily:
I sniffled and wrapped my arms around him under the covers. It was conforting to hear him talk like this, but at the same time, this wasnt a normal reaction to seeing and ex. "Why did you two break up?" I asked.

Ashton:

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. My chest felt tight and my stomach knotted. That wasn’t the easiest question to answer right off the bat. “Well. She cheated on me and I left,” I said in the simplest way possible. I stared up at the celling.

Emily:
I lifted my head to look at him ans frowned. "Im sorry," i mumbled. "Is that why you were ao upset to see her today?" I asked.

Ashton:

“It was more than that,” I said. I knew I shouldn’t go into detail, but I couldn’t just leave it at that. Despite what I said earlier, I found that I did want to talk, however hard it might be. I couldn’t say it all, but I could tell her some of it. “I was with her when I was going through a dark time. She knows things about me that no one else does. She was with me at my worst. I can’t blame it all on her, but I became someone I didn’t want to be in part because of her actions.”

Emily:
What could this girl know that no one else knows? "Is that when you started doing drugs?" I asked, quietly.

Ashton:

“No.” I huffed slightly. “No, I was always getting into trouble when I was younger. I started doing drugs when I was fifteen. I had a group of friends and that’s all we did. I got into more serious stuff when I started…” I paused. “Remember how I told you I used to do martial arts?” My pulse quickened.

Emily:
I felt his heart beat quicken under my head and rubbed his chest soothingly. "Yeah, what about it?"'i asked, confused on what that had to do with anything.

Ashton:

“Well. That was true. I took martial arts in junior high and some in during freshman and sophomore years of high school. But,” I took a breath. “When I was eighteen I got into a group of people who introduced me to an underground fight club. People would drink, and bet on the fighters. No real rules to it. They got me in the ring and found out I was rather good at it. And I started winning a lot of money. And I spent it mostly on drugs. Everyone there was like that. I spent a few years of my life in that place, beating people up on a regular basis just so I would have enough money to stay high.” While I spoke I stared up at the ceiling, never once looking at her. She would think less of me now, I was sure of it.

Emily:
Half way through the story, I felt my eyes fill with tears and then slowly roll down my face. Just the thought of him being in a fight club with no rules...how incredibly dangerous that was. The fact that he needed to get high that badly. 

I knew first hand how strong he was. I wondered for a second how many people he had hurt. And then the over shadowing thought of how many people had hurt him

When he finished, i looked up and saw him staring at the ceiling. I sat up and grabbed both sides of his face to make him meet me gaze. "When did you stop doing that stuff?" I asked, afraid that he had only stopped when he moved in me with and Tasha.

Ashton:

I closed my eyes instead of looking at her. “Before I went to rehab,” I said it quietly. I tried to keep it monotone, but I couldn’t fully hide the emotion in my voice. I felt like throwing up. I couldn’t tell her the rest of it. Not ever.

Emily:
I was still openly crying. "Why are you not looking at me?" I asked. "Is there more?" I wondered out loud. I stroked his cheeks with my thumbs. "Ash just look at me," i said. "Dont shut me out," I pleaded.

Ashton:

I didn’t say anything else. I couldn’t. Instead, I wound my arms around her and rolled us over so she was on her back. Supporting much of my weight on my elbows I pressed my face into the crook of her neck and said nothing. Despite my best efforts, a tremor ran through my body.

Emily:
I wound my arms around him ran my fingers through the hair on the back of his head. I pulled him impossibly closer and help him tremor. I tried to stop my crying but it was impossible when he was clearly still so hurt by his past. 

I moved my lips to his ear as his face was still buried in my neck. "I love you. You know that right? Every single day I'm still gonna love you," I whispered. "No matter what happened" I told him.

Ashton:

I felt a chill run through me when she said that. I didn’t know how it could be true. But I loved her all the more for it. I hugged her tightly and turned my face to kiss her cheek. “I love you. I don’t deserve someone so caring,” I murmured.

Emily:
I shook my head. "Yes you do," I disagreed. I kept stroking my fingers through his hair, trying to be soothing. "You're not a bad person," I told him. "You work so hard and I'm so incredibly proud to be with you," I said, softly.

Ashton:

I lifted up some so I could search her face. I wiped the tears on her cheeks away with my thumbs and kissed each one. “I’m sorry I made you cry. I never wanted to do that.” My forehead creased and I closed my eyes again.

Emily:
I sighed and stroked a fingers down his forehead and nose at the skin that was creased as if to smooth it out. I leaned up to gently press my lips to his for a moment before pulling away. "I was only crying because I wish you didn't go through all that" I told him.

Ashton:

“Emily…” I sighed and moved so I was laying beside her instead of on top of her. I still kept an arm around her. “I did it to myself. I got myself into it. I made the choices that got me there.” She still didn’t understand what kind of person I was.

Emily:
I turned to face him and looked him in the eyes. "I know you did. I just don't know why." I said. "You didnt do it because you're a bad person. But if youre not ready to tell me why, then I'll wait until you are," I told him.