hm weird me....hell yes (open)

My spirits fell. A moan? She was fantasizing about my brother. It hurt more than I realized. I wanted comfort someplace deep inside. I had lost Ira, the girl I had been falling in love with. But I couldn't say anything. Adam wouldn't care...and I didn't want to hear Jemma's mocking over it.

Jemma:

I moved restlessly, I could feel myself pinning a wing uncomfortably but it wasn’t enough to wake me up.

I am waiting in a room, a white, clean examining room. The smell of antiseptic fills my nose unpleasantly. With some difficulty I climb up onto the padded, paper covered examining chair. Being naked makes me uncomfortable, I let my wings unfurl to cover me as much as they can but I still feel cold drafts all over, making it impossible for me to feel covered.

I moaned again, tucking my arms under myself and trying to press further into the couch.

Her movements trapped me a bit underneath her and I gave a small whine. "Jemma?" I asked softly, giving a small lick to her cheek.

Jemma:

My hand rubbed at my cheek, having felt something tickling me.

I don’t usually have to be naked, but my body is changing, they said they wanted to do a full body exam. I don’t quite understand, but I’m cooperative. Despite the experience of the other kids at the school, I trust my caregivers. They have never harmed me, they like me, I know they do. I am one of the first true success experiments. Adam and I are perfect, they tell us, so we get better treatment.

The door opens, it isn’t the whitecoat who usually dose my exams, she is nice and makes me feel safe even when they had to take DNA samples. This one is a man. He’s looking down at his clipboard as he moves closer to me. Something is wrong, he looks at me and suddenly I’m sick with fear. I’m terrified.

I heard my own scream without realizing it was me. It brought me out of the nightmare, jerking me up.

Her scream made my change rapid. There was discomfort and pain at such a rapid shift but I threw my arms around Jemma. "Jemma sh, it's alright..." I murmured holding onto her as I tried my best to calm her down.

Adam:

I had fallen asleep on the porch bench. I was stiff when I was awoken by the scream. I immediately rushed into the house, hurrying to Jemma. But nothing was wrong, Alex was holding her. She was safe.

Jemma:

I choked on another scream. I pushed away from whoever was holding me. I was frantic. The terror twisted and churned my stomach. I threw up over the side of the couch.

Alex:

I Set a hand on Jemma's back. "Calm down...you are alright. You are safe..." I whispered to her, looking up towards Adam helplessly.

Adam:

I knelt down only slightly surprised to see her in her bra. “Jemma,” I said softly. She reacted instantly. “Adam?” She sounded so young an innocent. She reached for me. I gathered her into my lap and she threw up again, over both of us. Her body was shaking with sobs.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re okay.” I told her. I could think of only one thing that might help her calm down. I picked her up and carried her to the shower. I sat on the toilet lid with her clinging to me as I turned on the water in the dark. I plugged the tub then started to pull her away from me so I could set her in the water. “No!” She protested. “Don’t leave me.”

I considered for a moment before I climbed into the water and sat down in the tub with her in my lap. Hot water poured over both of us, still clothed.

“Don’t make me go back, don’t let them take me. I’m so scared. I don’t want to.” She was sobbing and clinging to me. “That room, please, I don’t want to go back, it’s going to happen again.” I realized suddenly that she still wasn’t awake. “Jemma? Jemma, you’re okay, you’re safe, you don’t ever have to go back again. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” I held her tightly.

“That’s what you said last time.” Her words were hard to hear over the sound of the shower, but I still got them, and it sent shards into my heart.

Jemma:

I woke up with light streaming in through the window. I tried to roll over but my legs and wings still wouldn’t work. I was naked, I realized with a jolt. I pulled the covers up to hide myself but there was no one to hide from, I was alone in bed. I sat up and looked around. My bar, panties, and shorts were on the floor, they were sitting in a puddle of water. There was a little pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. Shorts, panties that looked slightly too small, and a dark shirt. It took a great deal of effort trying to clothe my bottom half when my legs were dead weight but I finally got it. After I pulled on the shirt I recognized it as one of Michaels. I had taken all my own clothes with me when I left, I hadn’t wanted to keep carrying his stuff with me though, it was too painful.

I scooted to the edge of the bed, dragging my useless legs with me. I toppled to the floor painfully. It would be unrealistic to drag myself through the whole house. I needed information about what happened last night, and I hoped to god it wasn’t what I was thinking.

“Alex?” I called out nervously praying that he was still here.

Alex:

I heard Jemma's voice more by chance than anything else. I was up on the roof staring up at the sun. Jemma had wanted to be with Adam. She wanted to be with Michael. But she didn't want to be with me it seemed. I had my head in my hands, trying to figure out what to do while Kage berated me in my head.

"Alex?" Jemma's nervous voice came from the window below me. I sighed softly and got to my feet, striding across the rooftop till I came to the shadows of the chimney. I pushed through and came out into the room beside Jemma's. I moved over to her room and knocked softly before entering.

Jemma:

My shoulders relaxed in relief when I saw him. “You’re still here.” I said softly. I must look pretty pathetic crumpled on the floor as I was.

I knelt down, and without a word I picked her up and set her down on the bed. "I am." I admitted quietly as I went over to gather up her wet clothing.

Jemma:

“What happened last night?” I asked worriedly. “I don’t remember… I just remember you as a fox, then falling asleep on the couch. How did I get here?”

"You started having a nightmare. Adam took care of you, got you cleaned up from vomiting and got you to bed. That is all that I know of." I shrugged my shoulders.

Jemma:

“Oh.” I said quietly. I looked down at the bed. I was scared to try to hard to remember, if I did memories might start flooding back from yesterday.

“Can you just sit down for a minute and tell me what’s going on in your head?” I asked, patting the bed next to me.

"You don't want to know what is going on in my head right now..." I said softly but I did slowly sink down on the bed.

Jemma:

“Please? Alex?” My voice was a horse and it broke on his name. “Please talk to me. I can’t stand it when you just see past me. If you hate me because of Ira, just say so. If you want nothing to do with me, tell me, please. Just tell me what is going on with you.”

I ran a hand over my face and through my unkempt hair. I probably looked just as tired as I felt and I didn't answer her at first. "You moaned Michael's name...and then I was there first trying to help you and calm you down. Adam came and said your name and you wanted him...that is what I am thinking about."

Jemma:

“Oh…” I looked down at the bed then hesitantly reached over and took his hand. “Can I tell you why? I think you deserve an explanation. You deserve to know what was happening to me yesterday. And why I am the way I am, why I have treated you the way I have. I want to tell you everything, if you want to hear it?”

I looked at our hands, then lifted my gaze up to look at her. "Alright. Tell me." I said softly before flopping backwards so I was laying down. I wanted to be comfortable and this sounded like it was going to be a long story.

Jemma:

I let his hand go to fidget with my own. “Okay.” I said quietly, I was nervous now, and I didn’t know quite were to start. I should start with Adam, but there was so much to tell, and If I started with Adam, I would have to tell everything… from the beginning. I took in a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy, but he needed to know, then he could decide if I was worth spending time on, or if he should just leave me to Adam.

“I don’t know if Ira ever told you…” I frowned when I said her name and took a deep breath. “Ira and Liam were bonded before they did me and Adam. They were considered a success, being the first bonded pare that wasn’t a disaster, until they paired Adam and I. We were perfect. We loved each other, we were kids, but we were inseparable. We were made perfect for each other. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for that boy….

We were trusted by the staff, we did everything they wanted us to. We trusted them when no one else in the school seemed to. To us they were kind, and they treated us well. I was so naïve, so oblivious, and so innocent back then. I didn’t know any better. I was sweet, and happy, and so completely different than I am now. You would hardly know me. “

I cleared my throat and sighed, I had to get through the next part or I wouldn’t be able to go on. I turned away from Alex slightly so he couldn’t clearly see my face and I wouldn’t have to see his reactions.

“I went through puberty early, earlier than many at the school. I was seven when I started developing, though I was still completely ignorant of what it all meant. They started running tests on me, doing examinations. I usually only had one or two doctors taking care of me, both of them were female. Then suddenly a different one took over… Um.” I stopped and had to take another breath. My hands that had been fidgeting in my lap were shaking now. My entire body felt sick. It took all of my control to not start hyperventilating. I had never told anyone this before, no one besides Adam knew.

“He touched me in ways I didn’t understand were wrong, they made me feel very uncomfortable, but I didn’t know that it wasn’t supposed to be happening. Uh… He became the only one to see me after that. And it happened more often… Um. Then it wasn’t just touching… He, uh, he…” My voice failed me, it was just gone. I couldn’t talk about it anymore. I was cold, and sick. But I couldn’t stop there, and I didn’t want to give Alex time to respond. I didn’t want his pity, or words of comfort. So I pressed on.

“He told me not to tell anyone. He told me I would be in trouble if I didn’t. I was so scared of him, so I didn’t say anything. And it kept happening. I eventually broke, and I told Adam. He was a mess, he was so angry that he hadn’t been able to protect me. He swore he wouldn’t let it happen again. Uh, but it did. Adam was furious, I had never seen him that way. He lost control and he hurt a lot of the white coats, none of them were… None of them the one that mattered.

They took Adam away from me. We were separated for weeks and it was destroying me. It was driving me crazy to be without him. They finally let us be together again, but he was different. They had experimented on him more, They tortured him, then experimented on him. I think that’s when he got the angel blood, I didn’t believe it for a long time, but I do now.” My heart was aching for him, I truly had loved him deeply.

“We grew apart. They started experimenting more on both of us. And having us do things for them. My world turned upside down. We were still the prized experiments, but their attitudes towards us were no longer what they had been. We were treated often just the same as the others. They had us use our powers on the others, and do horrible things. A lot of horrible things.

Adam got out eventually. He never told me he was planning it, never tried to get me to come with him. He just left. He left me alone do deal with all the horrors at the school.” I had recovered from the first part of the story. Now my tone grew bitter. That’s when it started. He betrayed me so deeply that day. I had never been able to forgive him for that.

“He left when I was nine, and he never came back for me. I spent two years alone there. I did make a few friends. Remember Sara? She was sweet to me, and her baby brother melted my heart… Kai would always climb into my lap. I think Sara got jealous a few times. He really was fond of me. I was no longer the best experiment, so they let me be with the other kids more than they ever had when I was with Adam. Adam was the one they really wanted, and without him I was less valuable.

They decided to test my powers, they had been growing for a while. So they brought in someone for me to alter their memory. It was Sara. They wanted me to make her forget everything that made her who she was. I wanted to refuse but I knew they would punish me if I did. So I made her forget, I made her forget me, I made her forget her brother Kai, I made her forget everything. They called her Experiment 126. She became 26, a sweet girl, but one who didn’t have much depth to her because I had taken that away.

They put her in a new group, they wouldn’t let me see her. I spent time with Kai, he was grieving for his sister. He was only five, he didn’t understand. It made me so angry. I was angry at myself, I was angry at the school, I was angry at Adam for leaving me. I managed to get out somehow. I took Kai with me to prove I wasn’t like Adam. I was almost twelve when I finally got out.”

I sighed and let a deep breath out. I wasn’t nearly finished with my story, but I needed to rest for a minute. I felt like I had been talking for ages, but I was through the worst of it now.

I let out a slow, soft breath I hadn't even realized I had been holding. Part way through her story I had covered my eyes with my arm. I had showed no outward reaction to her words except my hand near her had clenched white into a fist. When she stopped talking for a moment I sat up slowly and went to the dresser. I placed my hand on one drawer and when I opened it I pulled out bottle of crystal clear ice water. I carried it back to the bed and offered it to her as I sat down beside her.

Jemma:

“Thank you,” I said softly. I opened the cap and downed half the bottle. It made my raw throat feel better. I set it next to me and looked down at my lap before continuing.

“I made Kai forget about the school and forget his sister. I raised him from then on, I took care of him. It was difficult, but I managed. I loved him so much. I loved him in a different way than I loved Adam. He was so young, so sweet, and he loved me too. He saved me. He gave me the will to keep going. He kept my dying heart alive.

We both grew up quickly, I had to step into the role of a mother at twelve. And he had to grow up to keep up with me. We were always on the run but we had each other. It was only us for a long time. And then one day… Adam found me again.

I’m sure you’re picturing me now, screaming at him for leaving me, yelling at him to go away… I should have, but I was fourteen and I was still young and soft. And I still loved him. I forgave him, or at the time I thought I had. I would sneak away while Kai was sleeping through the day to be with Adam. I didn’t want to bring Kai with me yet. I was so happy.

That went on for weeks, I would spend my days with Adam, keeping it a secret from Kai. I fell in love with him more deeply than I ever had. He was different, older. He was charming, and funny, and loving, or at least he seemed that way. I could tell he changed, but I wasn’t seeing how much. I was too in love with him to see the darkness growing in him.”

I paused, unsure if I should go into detail on the next part. Adam had coaxed me into being more physical with him. We took it slow, but I had always been hesitant, I couldn’t help but think of what happened when I was younger, even when Adam was boing gentle with me. But the bond between us made me more willing to do what he wanted. It was almost impossible to resist, so I let him have me. I was uncomfortable after that, but I kept going to bed with him willingly. I loved him so much that I wanted to please him even if I wasn’t getting anything from it. I decided against telling Alex that.

“After we had been together for a couple moths I found out that he had been with several girls. I wasn’t special. He hadn’t even waited for me. I thought he had been looking for me all that time but he hadn’t, he had been sleeping with other girls, not thinking about me at all.

I left. I just got away. I was so angry and heart broken, I couldn’t bear to be with him anymore. I took Kai and we went someplace new. We found a group and stayed with them for a little while. I thought I was getting close to the boy who was in charge… But that went badly and we had to leave.” I had been angry of what Adam had done, and jealous, and I thought if I slept with someone else it would be getting back at him. So I slept with the leader and found out that I wasn’t comfortable being with anyone like that, I had felt empty and numb. Being with Adam had felt better than that, at least there was a bond between us.

“Then I met Brian. I owe a lot to him. I was defenseless before I met him. He saved me from a group of guys who were attacking me in an alleyway after I had been trying to find food and money for myself and Kai. They stole what little cash I had and beat me up, but Brian caught them and completely wiped the floor with them.

We stayed with him for a while, I asked him to teach me everything he knew. He taught me self-defense, and karate, and hand to hand combat. He taught me almost everything I know about how to fight.” I left out that we had made a deal for him housing us, and feeding us, and teaching me everything he knew. He had been screwing me the entire time. I was no better than a whore but by then I didn’t care. I was hardened against things like that, and I needed his help.

“We moved on after that, I was more confident in taking care of myself and Kai, and he was grown up enough to watch my back by then. We were a pretty unstoppable pair.” I smiled slightly at the memory; it was the first time I smiled through the whole story. The smile fell with a sigh as I went on.

“And then guess who came back? We had been apart for two years. I was sixteen, he was seventeen. Both of us had changed so much. He was colder, I was more reserved. I felt compelled to him though I didn’t know if I loved him anymore. We were broken. But he thought I was his. So if I hadn’t willingly stayed he was going to make me. Which he did. Again this time I didn’t tell Kai. If I didn’t go to Adam when he wanted me to, he would come get me. I didn’t want him anywhere near Kai, at this point I knew he was dangerous.

He forced me to do things I didn’t want to do. I was compelled by the bond between us, but that didn’t always work, and when I didn’t he would hurt me and do what he wanted anyway. After all I had learned from Brian, I was still defenseless against Adam. He was too powerful, and too dangerous for me to do anything. He would do horrible things to me, and beat me bloody. Then he would heal me and clean me up and send me back to Kai like nothing was wrong.”

My hands were clenched. I didn’t feel sick at this story. It was rape, just like it had been when I was younger, but I was empty by then. I knew what was happening to me so it wasn’t scary. I was fueled by ice cold hatred. Any love I had left for Adam had been crushed by what he did to me.

“He saw me as nothing but his property. I belonged to him so that meant he could do whatever he wanted. All shreds of the boy I had once loved were gone. He was as good as dead, and so was the girl I used to be.” My tone was bitter, and venomous.

“He was vastly more powerful than me, so my powers didn’t usually work on him. But he had been magically exhausted one night when I was with him. It was my only shot to get away. So I used my power to confuse him. I even stabbed him in the chest though I had no hope that it would kill him. And somehow I got away.

I escaped with Kai. I spend more time with him. He managed to bring me back a little. But I was still ice cold. I was at my worst. You think I’m cold now, but you don’t know what I was like then. I think that is why Kai is so reserved and quiet. He was only around me for so long, and he adopted some of my temperament.” I said ruefully.

“Eventually I found out that a bunch of kids had gotten out of the school, and 26 was among them. I started trying to find them. I though reuniting her with her brother might make up for what I had done to her in the school.

We did find them eventually, I gave them both back their memory. And that’s when I met Michael. I felt like an outsider in their group, but Michael was always there talking to me, for the longest time I didn’t know he was anything more than a talking fox.

We were friends for a long time before we became anything more. Sara was jealous, of course. He was supposed to be her pet. I fell for him after being around him in his human from. I had never had a crush on anyone like that. He made me feel things I had never felt before, even with Adam. I had always loved Adam, from the beginning. But with Michael it was slow. I felt safe with him, I didn’t feel alone. He made me happy.

Even when he tried to leave I would follow him. I couldn’t bear to lose him. I was in love with him and yet we were never… well, we were never very physical. I loved him so much.” I hugged myself. “I might’ve loved him more than Adam, I certainly loved him in a different way than I had loved Adam. And I was a different person than I was with Adam.

I thought I was safe with Michael, but there were a few times he was rough with me and that scared me. We never actually did go all the way. I was too nervous to. I had been forced to do it so many times, It was hard to get past that, and Michael never forced me.” My voice was low, my eyes started to water.

But he had his own darkness. And instead of turning it on me like Adam had, he turned it on himself. I don’t know if it could have gone any different… Kai died so I had to get help from Adam. I couldn’t lose Kai, I would have died shortly after if Adam hadn’t helped bring him back, but the price was I had to go with him. So I had to leave Michael.

When I was able to come back Michael was too far under to bring him back. I don’t know if there was anything that I could have done.” I was shaking a little, trying not to cry, but the tears were bleeding into my voice.

“Michael left me. He just left. He couldn’t bear to stay, not even for me.” My voice was a whisper and suddenly it was too much to keep going. I hugged the shirt I was wearing, the shirt that had been Michaels but had long since lost his scent. It was too much pain, and it was too fresh in my mind. Loosing Michael had shattered me. I was so new, I had been healing, with his help. And in one day it was all taken away from me.

I watched her through the rest of the story. "Do you know why Michael preferred his fox form for so long?" I asked softly. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, to tell her it was alright but before my hand could touch her I pulled it back and gripped my other hand with it. "It helped us. Me and him. Things are different when we are. We think differently, act differently. But most of all...our powers don't work the same. We can not walk through shadows, it does not spring to action if we let them go. The powers come out only when it is absolutely necessary. For Michael and I...it is a constant war. Us against our power. If we lose...people die. They are consumed. Have you ever had to fight something day in and day out? No chance for rest, no breaks. Michael's control was perfect because he put everything he had behind it. What would you do if you knew that you were starting to lose? That once you lost you would do things worse than killing or raping to Kai? I don't agree with what my brother did...but I understand why he did it. You were stronger. Perhaps not as much as he thought...but you were strong enough that he felt he could give up his fight....removing himself before he left." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "I am sorry."

Jemma:

Tears were dripping down my face. “No.” I said firmly and shook my head. “I can understand wanting to end it because he couldn’t control it anymore. I can understand, that doesn’t mean I think it’s right. But the way he did it? That was wrong. He just left, without giving me any warning, without explaining. He didn’t think of me. He didn’t think what he would be doing to me.” My voice was full of tears. “I hate him for that. I can’t forgive that.” I said quietly. I wondered if any part of Kage heard me, or felt anything through my story.

I nodded and laid back down on the bed beside her. "Do you really hate Michael? Do you really hate Adam?" I asked softly. Before in a soft whisper I asked her, "Do you hate me?"

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